


Reddie Chapter 60 and 61

by one_black_coffee



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Depressed Richie Tozier, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, M/M, Rated T for language, Vampire Richie Tozier, Vampires, idiots being idiots, mild trigger warning for depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-02-22 21:09:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23900434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/one_black_coffee/pseuds/one_black_coffee
Summary: For once Richie is taking his time. He’s insisting we wait until after midnight to go look for the vampires. I told him we should just get going. Get this whole thing over with so we can just end this all. The sooner we get out of wherever we’re going, the better. Richie probably found the most disgusting underground bar possible. Mommy’s going to lose her shit when I get home.Still, Richie won’t let us go before midnight. Apparently hunting will be over around midnight but not much sooner. I try not to think much of what’s happening while we wait. I wonder if Richie should be out there with them. He’s been in the library with me this whole time.This is just my take on chapters 60 and 61 from Carry On by Rainbow Rowell. All story credits go to her, this is just what I thought would go down if it were reddie instead of snowbaz :)
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Reddie Chapter 60 and 61

Eddie

For once Richie is taking his time. He’s insisting we wait until after midnight to go look for the vampires. I told him we should just get going. Get this whole thing over with so we can just end this all. The sooner we get out of wherever we’re going, the better. Richie probably found the most disgusting underground bar possible. Mommy’s going to lose her shit when I get home.  


Still, Richie won’t let us go before midnight. Apparently hunting will be over around midnight but not much sooner. I try not to think much of what’s happening while we wait. I wonder if Richie should be out there with them. He’s been in the library with me this whole time.  


“Should you be out there, too?” Richie looks up from the book he’s reading. He has a pile of books stacked up in front of him and his glasses are slipping down his nose. He looks like an idiot.  


“What do you mean?” He readjusts his glasses. Still looks like an idiot.  


“You know, out there with the rest of them. With the other vamp-”  


“Yeah, yeah, I get it, jackass.” He doesn’t answer my question. He just goes back to reading the books he has propped open haphazardly against an unopened container of chicken wings. When we ordered food I hadn’t expected Richie to get anything, really. He doesn’t eat in front of people much. Sometimes when we’re over at dinner with the other Losers he’ll pick at his food, but mainly just move it around his plate. Or throw it at me like an asshole.  


Maybe he’s got an eating disorder. The boys at school say boys can’t get eating disorders but Mommy makes me eat every meal so I don’t get an eating disorder. I should pay more attention to Richie’s eating.  


“Are you going to eat those chicken wings, Rich?”  


Richie looks up at me again and shakes his head. His hair is too long. It shakes when he moves his head. I’d die before I admit it to him, but I like it. Only because he looks like an utter fool, though. “You can have ‘em if you want.”  


It’s my turn to shake my head. I already had a slice of pizza that was far too greasy and three garlic knots. They didn’t have much to offer at the pizza joint Richie brought me to. Mommy would kill me if she found out I had such disgusting food. To be honest, I wasn’t much of a fan myself. I couldn’t stop thinking of all the health risks of so much grease and carbohydrates.  


I should focus more on this book if I’m going to help Richie.  


How many people have touched this thing, though? It’s a public library in Derry, Maine, so not many. Then again, whoever has touched this book I can’t help to assume has poor hand washing abilities based on the number of fingerprints I’ve seen on these pages. That and the fact that this is Derry.  


The librarian allowed us to take our books outside to study. I think. I let Richie go in and collect the books he wanted while I stayed outside. I assume he asked the librarian if we could take the books outside without checking them out. Then again, it’s Richie...  


These books are definitely stolen.  


“Alright, Eddie my boy, let’s go catch us some vampires.” Richie snaps his book shut and stands up from the wooden bench. His shirt is only half tucked into his jeans. What an idiot.  


“We’ve already got one and I hate him enough.”  


“Oh, don’t be a spoil sport, Eds.” He pinches my cheek as he walks away from the table. Without the books. And without the wings.  


“Hey, fuckface! You forgot your food! And we gotta return these books!” Richie doesn’t stop walking to his car. He simply unlocks the bright blue vehicle, slides into the driver’s seat, starts the engine, and flashes the lights at me.  


He stole those fucking books.  


I look back through the window of the ancient library at the even ancient-er librarian. I do not want to walk back in there with Richie’s stolen books and look at that woman’s blobfish face and smell her overpowering perfume. So I grab the chicken wings and run.  


“Fuck you, man. Fuck. You,” I say, closing the door of Richie’s Hudson Hornet- I have no idea where he got this car. Maybe he sucked someone dry and stole their car. Has Richie ever killed anyone? I don’t like that thought.  


Richie’s grinning at me. I can see his ugly ass grin right in the corner of my eye. I hate him. I shove the chicken wings in Richie’s lap and pull the seatbelt across me. “Also, don’t call me ‘Eds.’ I hate ‘Eds.’”  


“It’s just the way of the world, Eddie Spaghetti. I can’t stop calling you ‘Eds’ any more than your mom can keep her hands off me.” He reaches over to pinch my cheek again but I slap away his hand. He feigns hurt but I ignore him, focusing on the dashboard instead. I know if I look over his stupid face will make me break.  


But we aren’t moving. We’re just sitting at the scene of a crime and it seems Richie has no intention of moving this car until he gets what he wants. Even if that means questioning a bunch of blood suckers is put on hold. So I turn my head the tiniest bit to look at the fuck.  


I was right. I knew as soon as I looked at him I’d break. And I did. I looked and I started smiling. Which means Richie fucking won. And after years of training myself to never give Richie the satisfaction of laughing at his jokes while he was present. Fuck.  


“Aww, I knew my Eds loved me!” Once again his hand is on my cheek, squeezing my skin between his thumb and pointer finger. “Cute, cute, cute!”  


“Alright, you got what you wanted. Can we go now? Vampires, remember?”  


“Impatient, are we?” He grins and winks at me. I fucking hate him. “Fine. Let’s go. Your mom wants me home before too late, anyway.” Maybe I should let those vampires tear him to shreds when we get there.

The drive wasn’t too long. Still, Richie insisted upon playing his lousy music the whole way. I heard far too much Rick James in that single fifteen minute drive. And I saw far too much of Richie trying to dance. Admittedly, I did laugh. But only because the dumbass was shimmying into the steering wheel and nearly hit his face. I don’t know how he didn’t crash.  


Nor how he maintains the same stupidity just minutes before we confront a gaggle- murder? flock?- of vampires who could potentially either kill us or give us life altering information.  


Richie parks the car in front of a building that looks straight out of a horror movie. The windows are all boarded up and graffiti litters the walls. Directly above a soda bottle that no longer looks like it contains soda is a crude- and for the sake of everyone, hopefully inaccurate- depiction of tits.  


The place looks like the perfect hideout of a bunch of monsters.  


“Don’t worry, Eddie. If anything goes wrong, just grab that garlic I know you’re keeping in that fanny pack of yours. Or the cross.”  


“How did you know about those?” It isn’t much garlic. And it’s just a small cross I knicked off my mom’s night stand before I left.  


“Let’s go.” Richie opens his door and pulls the key out of the ignition before exiting the car completely. I really don’t want to get out of this car. Richie would be fine in there alone, right? He wouldn’t provoke any of those dangerous, bloodthirsty, creatures?  


He totally would.  


I open my own door and slip out of the car to find Richie leaning against the hood. His hair is all mussed up and he keeps messing with the string that’s dangling from the hem of his shirt. I still don’t understand why he chose to wear a fucking bright red button up with flowers that look suspiciously like dicks to a high pressure meeting with vampires. When I asked him earlier his only response was to say: “ I don’t know what you want me to say, Eds, no one can resist a man in a hawaiin shirt.”  


Richie pushes himself off the hood when he sees me. “Ready?”  


“No.”  


“Yes you are.”  


“I’m not, Rich. I don’t have my inhaler. We need to go back and get it.” I’ve been better about not using it. I promised Richie and the other Losers I would quit using it so much. Once that bitch spider-clown-thing was killed I got better. I wouldn’t have to pull the little blue container of water and camphor as much so I stopped putting it in my fanny pack. Except usually I don’t go out with the intention of speaking to a bunch of vampires.  


I didn’t today either. This was just one of Richie’s little surprises.  


“You don’t need that thing, man. I promise,” Richie says. I want to believe him. It would be nice if I really didn’t need it. Still, I can’t help wanting to drive back to my house so I can pick it up.  


“You sure, Rich?” I look over at him. I’ve been surveying the building. I’ve reached the conclusion that I do not like it.  


“I’m sure, Eds. You’re braver than you think.” For once he isn’t grinning at me. It’s a genuine smile. From Richie. I can’t help but smile back. “Ah, there it is! That signature Edward Kasprack smile! What a cutie.”  


“And there’s the signature Richie Trashmouth Tozier dickiness.”  


“Ah, you love me, Edward.”  


“I really don’t.”  


“Yes you do. Not as much as you love that damn inhaler, though.” I fucking hate him.  


“Whatever. Let’s just get this over with so we can get back home and go to bed.” I really want my inhaler.  


Richie nods and starts walking. “Richie, where are you going? Isn’t this the place?” I gesture at the disgusting relic in front of which we now stand. The one Richie is currently walking away from.  


“Obviously that isn’t it. I would never park right in front of the building where we might be killed. Too easy to find our car. Gotta make ‘em work to cover up the murder.” I really, really hate this boy. “The bar is down this way.” He starts walking away and I jog to catch up. “You’ve got your wand, right? Just in case we need to set the entire place on fire.”  


He’s joking but my heart stops. I do not have my wand. How could I have forgotten my wand? Fuck. Fuck this is so bad. “Yeah, of course I have it.” Richie doesn’t turn back to see the obvious lie written across my face. Thank fuck.  


The bar isn’t nearly as bad as I imagined. The outside, at least. There’re significantly fewer graphic drawings spray painted onto the walls. And fewer bottles filled with piss. That’s a good sign.  


What’s less of a good sign is the continual lack of maturity Richie is showing. I fooled myself into believing Richie would quit the jokes when we got close enough. He hasn’t. We are standing right on the bottom step before the doorway into what is appearing to be our demise.  


I reach out and stop Richie’s hand before he can knock on the door into the bar. “You’re going to get us killed if you keep up the jokes, dumbshit.”  


“Don’t worry about it, Eduardo.” This confidence would be reassuring if it were Bill or Bev standing with their fist about to wrap against the door with chipping green paint. But it’s Richie. Richie who, while brave, is also an idiot. Ben threw the first rock during the rock war. That was brave. Richie screaming “ROCK WAR” at Bowers before being clipped in the face by a rock was stupid. He’ll make a joke out of this and we’ll die. Fuck.  


Fuck fuck fuck.  


It’s officially too late now. Richie’s knocked on the door and I can hear slight movement coming from the other side. As well as movement from my other side. I have to imagine it’s a rat. There must be a collection of the filthy rodents crawling around in case one of the bar’s customers needs to… feed.  


“Can I help you?” A very large short man answers the door. He’s a good three inches shorter than I am and a half a foot shorter than Rich. At least. His head is reflecting the yellow lights coming from the back.  


How does he keep his head so shiny?  


The man looks us up and down before leaning against the door frame and addressing Richie. “What’s his deal?” He jerks his head towards me while chewing on what I really hope is gum and not some sort of animal. Or worse, a human.  


“He’s with me.” Richie shrugs off the question.  


The bald man studies Richie again. He has an ugly, little face. His nose is crooked, just like his eyebrows. A scar runs right through the middle of his right brow and down over his eye. The eye in question has a milky gloss over the iris and pupil. The other eye is a deep green that could potentially be attractive if the man didn’t use his eyes to glare so heavily. I’ve come to a temporary conclusion that I don’t like him much. “Fine. You can come in but your little pet better behave.” He speaks only to Richie, looking over at me only once. “No snitching, you hear?” Only then does he look me dead in the eyes, burying one pudgy finger in my chest.  


Yep. I definitely don’t like him.  


Richie follows the man into the bar and I follow Richie. I don’t know what I had been expecting, but this isn’t it. There are many vampires hanging around. It’s got to be one in the morning by now but still, at least twenty vampires remain. They all have a sluggish way of moving. They drift around the bar with seemingly no control. The few playing pool seem to be on autopilot without a care as to who wins. Some aren’t moving at all. Just nursing their drinks.  


Everyone has a drink in hand. Some of them at tables have multiple empties littering the table tops. The bar has a number of limp bodies hung over the edge with a hand just barely holding on to a crystal glass filled with different liquids. Some are rich ambures and others are clear. A few vampires have wine glasses, but most stick to the liquor.  


I can’t imagine drinking does much. Vampires don’t have blood so alcohol wouldn’t do anything. I think. Maybe Richie knows. But Richie doesn’t look like he’s in the mood to be asked questions right now. He’s still got a goofy looking smile plastered onto his already goofy lookin’ face but there’s a tension now.  


I don’t know when the bald man stopped leading us back but he’s no longer in front of Richie. Now Richie is just surveying the crowd himself. I do my own surveillance while I wait for Richie to make his move.  


There’s a woman in a tight red dress playing pool with a man in a ragged suit. She’s been stroking his watch for longer than necessary while the other woman at the pool table not so subtly slips something out of the man’s breast pocket. He doesn’t notice. Maybe the clear drink he’s been sipping really does mess him up.  


At a table across the room there’s another young looking vampire. He’s got his head hung over his drink. There’s a bag under his stool that’s got something engraved on the front. I can’t read it from here. Richie probably could. Vampires have super vision, right?  


“There,” I hear Richie mutter. He taps my hand and heads off in the direction of the bar. I don’t know what he saw but my only option now is to trust him. He’s going to get us both eaten and I’ll follow him there, I guess. I suppose being devoured by a bunch of vampires could be worse. If they’re good at what they do, no one will find the bodies. Everyone will forget we ever existed. Mommy will never know. These vampires look professional. I bet they’re good at what they do.  


Is being a vampire like having a job? Like being some sort of hitman?  


I can’t imagine Richie being a hitman. He’d have a target but would never go through with the job. He’d make jokes with the target and get himself killed by some mob boss, I bet. Richie couldn’t hurt anyone. He’s a narcissistic asshole who’d get himself killed before he killed anyone.  


Richie’s leading us over to a man in a navy blue blazer and black pants. A disgusting color pairing, I must say, but the man pulls it off. Or, more accurately, he seems so uninterested in everything outside of his own glass with intricate crystal flowers etched into the bottom and a very smoky liquor pooling in those flowers to give a single shit about anyone’s opinion.  


I don’t think Richie realizes that.  


“Good evening, good sir.” Starting off strong with a terrible British accent. The man does not look as pleased by this as Richie does. We are so fucking dead. “Are you Nicodemus?” Richie is grinning down at Nicodemus. Nicodemus is glaring up at the dipshit.  


“Who are you?” Nicodemus looks us both up and down just like the short man at the door did but with even more distaste. His eyes focus on me for longer than the other man cared to. I quickly grow uncomfortable under his gaze. The room seems significantly quieter than it had just moments ago. The soft jazz that had been filtering in and out of hushed conversations seems to have disappeared along with the conversations. I swear I can feel everyone looking at us. Me like I’m some sort of snack and Richie like he’s an intruder. Nicodemus is clearly not pleased by our presence and by the way everyone appears to be paying close attention to him, what Nicodemus doesn’t like either gets thrown out or eaten.  


Maybe Richie will be okay.  


“That isn’t so important, is it?” Richie is far too calm.  


Nicodemus doesn't reply for what feels like ages. He keeps eyeing me. I swear I can see him sucking on his fangs. God I want my inhaler. “You have three options here, boys. A) Get out, B) Refuse to cooperate and have everyone in this fine establishment all over you in a matter of seconds, or C) Cooperate. I suggest option C.” I have no doubt Nicodemus could snap his fingers and we really would have a hoard of vampires fighting to suck our blood within seconds.  


“I don’t know, I rather like option B, don’t you, Eddie?” Richie’s usual grin that accompanies his terrible jokes falters for a moment as he realizes what he’s done.  


“What fuck, Richard?” So maybe Richie won’t be entirely responsible for our demise. What the hell is wrong with us?  


Nicodemus looks pleased. As pleased as I imagine he can ever look. His nose has dropped down from it’s snarl and a slight smile teases the corners of his lips. I supposed he could be an attractive man. If he didn’t constantly look like a judge deciding your fate for the rest of eternity. “Richard and Edward? Wonderful.”  


Just about now I really wish I did have my wand to set this place ablaze. I know Richie was kidding before, but he wasn’t thinking a bar full of less than desirable characters would know our names. Burning us all alive would make sure Mommy never finds out about any of this…  


“So, Richard and Edward, what do you want?” Nicodemus picks up the cigarette that’s been balancing on the edge of his glass.  


Everyone’s still watching us. Watching Richie. He’s everything they are and so much more. But also so much less. He’s a vampire but he also has magic running through his veins. Fire magic. He may go up in flames just as easily as the rest of them but he can tempt fate so much closer than anyone else in this bar. Yet at the same time, while everyone here is dressed like they came directly from a high end job Richie looks like he got lost in the child’s section of a JC Penny’s.  


He’s everything they aren’t in so many ways and they know it. I don’t know if Richie does.  


“You have information for us,” Richie says. He acts like he has control over this entire situation. He’s smiling rather widely at the man who could end us very easily and he’s got his hands hanging limply.  


He looks like an awkward monkey. Nicodemus looks poised and ready to strike. He’s in control.  


“Now that depends, doesn’t it, Richard?” He takes a puff from his cigarette and blows the smoke out inches to the right of Richie’s face. Richie doesn’t even blink. “Do you have anything for me?”  


We don’t. We have some chicken wings in the car and an empty bottle of beer Richie stole on his way out of the house. That’s all we brought. We are so fucking fucked. I could offer up my knob of garlic. Or my cross. But I doubt that would play well with the vampires. Or Richie. He’d make a dick joke and then we’d be well and truly screwed.  


“Well,” Richie starts, still smiling, “if you’re so materialistic, you can have the chicken I have in the car. But I was thinking that maybe the fact that I won’t give you up to the Mage would be enough to jog your memory as to who killed my mother.” Richie is still smiling. Nicodemus lost his half smile as soon as Richie finished his speaking.  


“Let us speak in the back, shall we?” Nicodemus stands from his stool, snuffing out his cigarette in his drink. Richie follows Nicodemus. I follow Richie.  


The room Nicodemus took us to is dark. There’s a single lamp sitting in the far left corner of the room. It’s barely giving off enough light for me to see either of the men in the room with me. A bench padded with a deep purple satin fabric is placed in the center of the room. I can’t help but imagine what goes on in this room when it isn’t being used for secret meetings like this one.  


How many Normals have lost their lives here? How many mages?  


Nicodemus takes a seat on the bench and motions for Richie to sit beside him. He does. I stay standing. Neither question me.  


“You have questions about your mother.” It could almost be a question but it isn’t.  


“You know who killed her.” Nicodemus doesn’t deny Richie’s claim. “I want to know what happened.”  


“You want justice for her killing?” Richie doesn’t reply but it’s clear he does. Nicodemus reaches back into his blazer and pulls out another cigarette and a lighter. He lights the cigarette and takes a puff before speaking again. “You already know who’s responsible for her death, Richard.”  


Who the fuck thinks calling Richie ‘Richard’ is okay? This dumbshit is smiling at a vampire after having just threatened his life. Everyone should know better than to call Richie ‘Richard.’ It’s just a way of the world. Richie is Richie. Never Richard.  


“Who was responsible for her death.”  


Nicodemus laughs. It’s a brash sound that makes me cringe. “She killed herself. She is to blame for her own death.” He’s taunting Richie. Daring him to make a move He doesn’t take the bait. Richie keeps his smile wide and eyes gleaming like this is all just one big joke and the punchline will have people rolling on the floor, gasping for breath. Like somehow when he gets to the climax everything will go up in flames and he’ll be right in the middle of everything.  


“She killed herself because she was Turned after someone unleashed a clan of vampires. I want to know who let those vampires into the school.” He’s speaking of everything so lightly. “So tell me.”  


“Or what? You hold no power over me, kid.”  


“I’ll report you to the coven.” I hope Richie isn’t serious. I know he wants answers but if he reports these vampires he’ll be caught, too. He’ll be killed.  


Nicodemus points out my thoughts, clearly believing Richie to be bluffing just as much as I hope he is. “Or are you going to set us all on fire? Just like your mother? Follow in her footsteps by burning us all to the ground, even yourself? Please. You haven’t made her proud and killed yourself yet, tonight is not going to be the night you do.”  


Richie glances back at the door behind me. There are so many vampires back there that could be so easily killed by a fire. Hell, there are three of us back here that could so easily be killed by a fire. Is he seriously thinking about this?  


“Tell him what he wants to know.” I haven’t spoken since we were standing at the entrance to the bar. Nicodemus doesn’t seem so surprised to hear me. “Or I’ll kill you.” No one knows I don’t have my wand.  


Still, Nicodemus finds this amusing. “You? With all your power? The Chosen One. One bite, Mr. Kasprack. That’s all it takes. Your little head of garlic and cross won’t save you.” He turns his attention back to Richie. “Fine. I’ll fill you in. But only because your little boyfriend seems so keen on keeping you safe.”  


Boyfriend?  


“You know as well as I, Mr. Tozier, that vampires can’t go anywhere uninvited. That includes your precious school. Someone came to me weeks before the raid and asked me to make a deal. That’s what I do. I make connections. And deals. I had to find work somehow without someone getting suspicious, you know.  


“But I said no. There are people at Watford I wouldn’t dream of hurting. I imagine you two know my sister and all her goats?” We do. She’s nothing like this monster. “I couldn’t send inevitable death her way unless she told me to. Even I have morals, Kasprack,” When did he learn my last name? “You, though, Mr. Tozier confuse me. Why magicians would have allowed any of it unless they had a plan. Perhaps you are part of the plan.” Nicodemus is leaning forward into Richie. Far too close with a look that’s less than friendly. Richie doesn’t seem too put off by it, though. In fact, he’s still grinning.  


“Who asked you to make a deal?” Has Richie blinked since we got here? I know he’s been acting like a fucking idiot but have his eyes shut? “Was it the Humdrum?”  


Nicodemus leans back against the arm of the bench and laughs again. I don’t see the humor in Richie’s question. “Yes. It was the big, scary, boogeyman, Mr. Tozier. The monster hiding under your bed,   
waiting to tickle your foot should you leave it hanging over the edge for a second too long. The monster that haunts your nightmares sent a clan of vampires to attack Watford.”  


“Was it?” Richie asks again.  


Nicodemus shakes his head and smiles at Richie. It still isn’t a pleasant smile. It looks like the smile of a man who knows more than the child in front of him ever will. A pitting smile. “It was one of your own.” Richie sits a tiny bit straighter now and his smile grows just a bit. Did Nicodemus notice? “But I won’t say. His name isn’t worth my life, I’m afraid. I’ll die for sure if I tell you. I have a chance at life if I don’t, and I rather like that option.”  


Richie leans forward and takes the lit cigarette out of Nicodemus’ hand. He puts the filter end in between his lips and inhales. “I could make you tell,” Richie says, puffing out a cloud of smoke into Nicodemus’ face.  


Nicodemus schools his features so his anger isn’t so obvious. Richie doesn’t bother to hide his manic. “Threatening a compulsion spell, are we?” Those are forbidden. Richie would not only have his fang ripped out for being a vampire but also thrown in magical jail. At least. “That would be highly dangerous.” He’s right.  


“Do you think the coven would forgive someone like you, Richard?” They would never. A mage might be able to get away if he pulled enough strings and played a little dirty but there’s no chance the coven would let a vampire, even if he is still a mage, get away.  


Richie inches his hand closer to where he keeps his wand hidden in his jeans. “No one would miss you if I killed you right here. Right now. No one would even stop me.” I see Nicodemus’ eyes flash over to me then back to where Richie remains seated, staring with a bright smile.  


I put my hand on Richie’s shoulder. “We should go.”  


“He hasn’t told us anything, Eddie.” His voice is strained. He’s fighting to not break.  


“I’ve told you everything you need to know.”  


“Let’s go. Now.” I tug on Richie’s shirt until he stands. He’s still got that smoking roll of cancer stuck between his fingers  


“Yes, leave,” Nicodemus says. “Leave with your little friend while you can. I have no doubt you’ll find your way back here someday.” There’s anger under his teasing smirk. But he’s better at hiding his feelings than Richie is.  


Richie flicks the smoldering butt onto the cushion beside Nicodemus. For the first time since we met, Nicodemus loses complete control over his reaction. He moves too quickly for me to really see his face but the fear is clear enough. Richie’s already made his way out of the room and is heading straight for the exit.  


I turn back to Nicodemus. “Your sister misses you.” I can only assume she does. I never talked to her much. Those goats must be cultures for disease.  


I hurry to follow Richie.  


He’s waiting for me at the end of the bar closest to the exit with the same smile still stuck to his face. He won’t let them win, even if he knows they have. As soon as I’m within a foot of him, he strides away, right out the door.  


Winter air in Derry can be painfully cold. Tonight feels the coldest it’s ever been.  


Richie’s ahead of me the whole walk back to the car. I’m used to him slowing his pace for me so we can walk side by side. Not tonight. He keeps walking just the way he wants and doesn’t look back. He’s inside the car with the engine started just as I finally approach the car. I’m not even buckled up before Richie’s gunned it down the street.  


The road isn’t busy. It’s late and it’s Derry. The only people who would be out now are people having affairs, college students back home for break, and those of us chasing down answers. Richie is going so far above the speed limit. If there’s a cop on duty near us, we are definitely getting a ticket. Assuming Richie will stop whatever he’s doing long enough for the law.  


We aren’t going to get any tickets tonight.  


“Rich-”  


“Don’t.”  


He’s going to kill us. I’m even more sure of that now than I was when he was being an idiot with the vampires. “Richie-”  


“Shut up, Eddie.” He’s never told me to shut up. Never seriously. When he’s hurt and I’m bothering him he asks me to stop talking. Richie isn’t like this. Richie is happy and carefree and stupid and my best friend. Richie doesn’t tell me to shut up.  


So I shut up.  


The gas pedal is pressed firmly to the floor of the car. Every red light we find is a green light to Richie. No speed limits exist. I don’t think anything outside of the road ahead even exists to Richie. I need him to know I’m here. I put my hand on his bicep. He doesn’t acknowledge me. Nothing changes.  


Time doesn’t exist and I don’t know if I do either.

Every few hundred feet a street light illuminates the car for a brief second. Trees and bushes are just one large, dark mass around us. If there’s any life besides the two of us, there’s no way for either one of us to tell at this point. We’re going too fast and it’s too dark.  


The moon rides along with us overhead. While we move as fast as possible on the ground, the moon leisurely rides along on the roof of the car. The light from above is enough to make the streaks of water running down Richie’s cheeks shimmer. He hasn’t released his grip on the wheel since we got in the car.  


I gave up trying to ground Richie at all once we left the main town. Now we’re just driving down dirt and gravel paths in the middle of nowhere, really. I haven’t seen a house in ages.  


Richie swerves to the side, sending me crashing into the door. He doesn’t notice. Richie’s opened his door and gotten out before the car has even skidded to a complete stop.  


“Richie!” I call out after him, pushing my own door open and starting to run into the trees where Richie had disappeared.  


It’s so dark. I dropped my phone somewhere in the car and I have no other form of light so I just stumble along what I hope is Richie’s path. There are so many trees. So many logs. So much dirt and grime and opportunities for an infected animal or bug to cross my path and infect me. I’m going to need to visit the doctor’s as soon as I get home. The snow back by the car should have been enough to freeze away at least some of the diseases but now I’ve lost the snow.  


Along with Richie’s footprints.  


“Rich!” I shout. “Richie!”  


I should be running after him. Going as fast as I possibly can. A good friend would. Bev and Bill and Mike and Ben and Stan would all be sprinting into this forest to find Richie. Stupid, Eddie, groping about before taking a step so he doesn’t fall. Godamnit.  


“Richie!” Fucking hell where is this idiot. It’s dark and I’m scared and I’m tired. I keep moving forward because I need to find him but I can’t. I can’t see, I’m starting to lose sense in my fingers and toes and the cold air is making my nose and eyes sting. My chest is tightening. I can’t breathe.  


Where the fuck is he?  


I see a sudden flash of light ahead of me. The light vanishes for a second before exploding into more and more little bits of light, catching onto various objects. I can feel a mild heat from here, warming the tips of my fingers just enough.  


Fire.  


“Chie.” I don’t yell to him. I just run.  


“Fuck off, Eddie.” I follow the sound of his voice even farther into the woods. Ashes of leaves flutter down around me and twigs turned to charcoal litter the ground.  


“Richie?”  


A blast of fire catches on a branch next to me. Richie stands with his wand pointed at the branch that’s burning up. “What the fuck, man? You could have hit me!” He wouldn’t have. But he could have.  


He’s just staring at me. His eyes look both too focused and completely unfocused. I can’t tell if he’s even really looking at me. His face is blank. There’s a tension building up in every one of his muscles but his face is blank.  


Richie’s eyes find mine as he shakes his head. “Rich, what-?” but he takes off in the opposite direction again. The branch next to me is spitting embers onto leaves that in turn take to the fire and dissipate into ashes and smoke.  


I run after Richie.  


I don’t know how long I had to run, but it couldn’t have been long before another sudden outbreak of painfully bright light assaults me. He’s standing in a clearing with a ring of trees surrounding him. He turns about, shooting fire out of his wand at each tree. I just watch him.  


Finally, he lets his hand fall back to his side. He stands watching his work for a moment before crumbling down to his knees. I should run over to him. Get him to stop being a fucking idiot and put out all of this destruction. But I don’t. I stay where I am. Frozen to the spot.  


Richie has his head in his hands, bent over his knees in the very middle of everything. His shoulders are shaking and his hands keep grabbing at tufts of his hair. Embers keeps sparking closer and closer to where he’s curled over himself. He must feel the heat slowly mounting.  


Maybe that’s why I’m waiting. To prove that he’ll snap out of this. That once he feels a little heat he’ll realise this is a mistake and he’ll blow all out this out and we’ll hug and go home and sleep and everything will be okay. But he isn’t. Flames are just about touching him and yet he remains.  


He drags himself over to the trunk of a tree that has managed to escape the burning and curls into himself again. He’s got his head on his knees and his arms wrapped securely around his legs. He isn’t going anywhere.  


“What are you doing?” I get myself to stop hiding and walk over to him. “You’ve gotta put this shit out.”  


He doesn’t answer me. His hands are shaking where he’s clasped them together.  


I fall to my knees in front of him. I can hear his breathing just barely over the roar of the fire behind us. His skin is turning grey. Is that a vampire thing? I suppose it is. I’m not turning grey. I don’t think.  


The fire all around us is making it difficult to see, what with the smoke hazing over my eyes.  


“Rich, it’s gonna be fine. We’ll figure this out. Nothing’s over yet. We’ll make your mom proud.”  


Richie lifts his head and barks out the driest and most humorless laugh I’ve ever heard. He’s got fire burning in his eyes but it’s nothing like ever before. When he picked up that bat and looked at Pennywise dead on, there was a fire that burned and climbed out of him, wanting to set everyone he hated on fire. When Pennywise cornered us in Neibolt there was a frantic fire building up as he made me look at him.  


But now this fire isn’t going anywhere. This fire is festering inside him. His skin is cool to the touch. He’s burning on the inside.  


“This is what would make her proud.” He’s insane.  


“Rich, she loved you. She would never want this for you.” He just shakes his head and lets it fall back onto his knees. The fire is creeping closer to us. I can feel it through my shirt. The sizzling of leaves and dirt ringing in my ears.  


“Your mom is proud of who you are.”  


“She died killing vampires, Eddie. She died killing off foul, blood sucking monsters! And she killed herself when she realized what she had become. If she had known what had become of me, she would have taken me down with her. She could never be proud of this.” I hate this. I never want to hear Richie like this. I want the old happy Richie to come back. What happened to the boy who made jokes at the worst of times to cheer us all up?  


Where is my Richie.  


“That isn’t true. She loved you. Loves you. She called you her rosebud boy. Even through the veil she loves you.”  


A broken sob echos out. “No.” He’s got tears streaming down his cheeks. The fire in his eyes is growing stronger and stronger as he grows weaker and weaker. “She loved what I was.” He doesn’t shout at me. “I’m not him anymore. I’m one of them.”  


“No you fucking aren’t.”  


“Come on, Eddie. It’s the truth. I’m a fucking monster. I’m awful. I don’t deserve to live anymore.” That’s bullshit. Complete bullshit. He’s wrong. “I can’t do anything right. I make jokes at the worst times possibly. I can’t help anyone, I can’t save anyone, I’m useless.”  


“Stop-”  


“I’m a fucking monster! Just like you’ve always thought. Go ahead and tell the world. Tell all the Losers and be happy you’ve finally gotten rid of the awkward, annoying, dumbfuck.” Fire is glistening in the tears that are collecting on the tip of his nose and under his chin. I reach out to wipe them away. “I’m a vampire. I don’t deserve to live.”  


I’m crying now. Maybe I have been for a while but I notice it now. My nose is running and I can feel the tickle of salt water on my nose. “No you aren’t.”  


I still have one of my hands on Richie’s cheek, wiping away as many tears as I can. He’s got his eyes closed and is leaning into my hand. My other hand is on one of his knees. I don’t know what I put it there but it might as well stay. His face is contorted in pain and I hate it. He should never look like that.  


“What?” Richie opens his eyes to look at me.  


“I said,” I say. “you aren’t a monster.” He lets out another broken sob. “You’ve never hurt anyone.”  


Richie pulls his head away from my hand and brings his legs closer to his chest. “You’re fucking insane.” I can see his strength leaving him bit by bit. The tension that had been propelling him forward bled out somewhere in the fire and the fire that used to fuel his stupid jokes has been smothered by this new fire that’s draining him of his life. “Fuck off, Eddie.”  


No. I won’t let him do this. “Don’t you dare start pulling away from me and trying to be a hero by making me think you hate me so that it hurts less. Don’t you fucking dare do this to me.”  


His lips are trembling and he keeps biting them. He gives me a shaky smile as his tears continue to distort his stupid freckles. “Go. This isn’t your ending.” He’s still smiling at me. Nothing like the smile he had for Nicodemus. Nothing like all those other smiles he’s given out to the Losers and to me.  


This one is so real and pure and heartbreaking I can’t look. I don’t want it.  


“If this isn’t my ending, it isn’t yours either.” Richie is not going to die without me. I am not going to die without Richie. We die together. It’s just a way of the world. He lets out a sigh and closes his eyes again, letting his head fall back against the bark.  


“Come on.” I grab one of his hands and pull. He doesn’t even try to resist. His body is limp as I tug on his arms. I have both of his hands in mine. Freezing. Not like usual. Not just cold, but frozen. There’s nothing there. A patch of embers lands next to my foot and I blow them out.  


I grab onto Richie’s chin and lift his head to look at me. “Chie…”  


“Go away, Eddie.”  


I am not letting him go like this. I am never letting him go. “You are not like them. You are not a monster. You are an asshole and a dick and a terrible friend and the best friend I’ve ever had and the bravest person I’ve ever met and I am not letting you go like this.” I let go of his hands and cup his face. “I’ve never meant a word I’ve said about you being terrible, Rich. You are not a monster.”I want to keep going. I could keep going. I have so much to say. If this is where we meet our end I don’t want Richie to leave me thinking anything but the truth. “You are so loved, Chie.” I don’t know who sobbed that time. All I know is Richie is right here and even if we’re about to die, we’re together. He isn’t leaving me.  


Richie tries again to pull away from me but I am not having any of that. More fire closes in on us and I desperately try to blow it out. It won’t go out. Fuck. It isn’t going out. We really are going to die this time.  


Richie opens his eyes. I don’t know what I’m seeing. There’s so much pain and desperation and… Fuck, I don’t even know at this point. But he’s looking at me and it hurts so much. There’s no part of this I recognize as my Richie. All of his jokes are gone. All of the walls he’s built up have been torn down brick by brick. This isn’t my Richie.  


“Please… This is what I deserve.” He looks so tired.  


“But this isn’t what I deserve, dick for brains.” I tug on his arm again. It’s so hot. I can feel the fire everywhere. Richie is the only cool thing left on this entire planet, I bet.  


“So leave me.” No. Never.  


“I am never leaving you,” I say. “I’ve had to put up with your dumb shit for ten years and I haven’t ever left you before so I am sure as hell not leaving you now.”

Richie

I don’t want him to go. I want him to stay here with me forever. I want him to put out this fire and tell me it’s okay. I want him to keep holding my face in his hands and wiping away my tears. His hands are so warm and soft. I don’t want him to leave me.  


But if he doesn’t get out of here he’s going to burn right along with me. And he doesn’t deserve this. He deserves a life with someone worthy of him. Someone whose love won’t end in flames.  
I’m going to have to spell him away from me.  


I won’t be able to push him away myself. I’m too weak. I could never give up while Eddie has his hands on me, asking me to stay alive. I want to stay alive for him. But I know that isn’t right. I deserve this fire.  


He’s so close right now. I could tell him I love him then send him flying. If I angle him towards the one open area before the fire closes in, he’d survive. I bet I could.  


He’s so close. He keeps rubbing his thumbs over my cheeks, swiping away my tears. I’m so weak. I could just reach out and pull him a tiny bit closer. Then spell him away before I break. I could. I want to. If I’m about to die a disgrace I might as well accomplish one thing. Even if that one thing will make me even more of a disgrace.  


Oh well.  


He’s still talking. Rambling on about something. All I can hear is the fire. He’s so warm. So alive. So very alive. And so close. Close enough to kiss.  


I could…  


Because I’ve never kissed anyone before. Never really wanted to kiss anyone else. I was always too afraid I’d somehow turn them. But I would never hurt Eddie. I could never hurt Eddie.  


Just one kiss. That’s all I want.  


I can’t find my mother’s killer, I can’t be the son my father wants. I’m a failure. Just one kiss and then I’ll go. I promise. This time for real. I’ll really finish it off this time.  


Just one kiss.  


“Eds…”  


And then he kisses me.


End file.
